She puts the blame into my faults
I thought you were on my path
But as it turns out, you can’t
You can’t bring the courage to shut up and listen
When I’m silent, you get angry and get a suspicion
That I am being mean and you are the victim
When I speak up, after so many doubts
You remind me of all off my faults
No words of mine can seem to put the hate out of your mouth
But I am scared
I am scared that the waves of the sea
Will, no matter what
Push me back into you
That no matter how many times I, inside,
Told myself I won’t be alive
As long as I walk down her side
And never open my own mind
As long as I don’t say “hey I am not fine”
She will never ask if I am alright
As long as I wear the clothes that I like
She’ll try to come through my confidence
And tell me ‘you have ugly thighs’
I am scared that if I finally open my mouth
Tell the words, tell my doubts
She’ll turn the blame into my faults
And all the sudden I’ll be the one
Who supposedly hurt her and I’m the wrong girl
But never did I ever hurt her
You see, the struggle with the sweet, green-eyed girl
Is that no matter what I tell her what hurts
She’ll always turns my blames into my faults
And never will she ever take credit for it all
No matter what I do, it’s never good enough
But I am too scared to drop the love
I am too afraid of telling her that
I can’t live with her as long as
She hurts me and I get blamed
But for now I am too scared to end the pain
–
A poem that is so close to my heart. I have written this piece a long time ago and luckily, my situation has calmed down. Toxic friendships can be incredibly hard and sometimes, or often, you have to let go, no matter how hard it is. I’m still trying to give in to that part, but I’m getting closer.
How would you handle a toxic friendship? If you have any advice, feel free to give it in the comments or you can contact me here. I would love to know.
Previous poems:
- You didn’t even notice
- I apologize (but not really)
- The power of music
- Harmless crush
- A blanket surrounding me
