Poem: she puts the blame into my faults

She puts the blame into my faults

I thought you were on my path 

But as it turns out, you can’t  

You can’t bring the courage to shut up and listen 

When I’m silent, you get angry and get a suspicion 

That I am being mean and you are the victim 

When I speak up, after so many doubts 

You remind me of all off my faults 

No words of mine can seem to put the hate out of your mouth

But I am scared 

I am scared that the waves of the sea 

Will, no matter what  

Push me back into you 

That no matter how many times I, inside, 

Told myself I won’t be alive 

As long as I walk down her side  

And never open my own mind 

As long as I don’t say “hey I am not fine” 

She will never ask if I am alright 

As long as I wear the clothes that I like 

She’ll try to come through my confidence  

And tell me ‘you have ugly thighs’ 

I am scared that if I finally open my mouth 

Tell the words, tell my doubts 

She’ll turn the blame into my faults 

And all the sudden I’ll be the one  

Who supposedly hurt her and I’m the wrong girl 

But never did I ever hurt her 

You see, the struggle with the sweet, green-eyed girl 

Is that no matter what I tell her what hurts  

She’ll always turns my blames into my faults 

And never will she ever take credit for it all  

No matter what I do, it’s never good enough 

But I am too scared to drop the love 

I am too afraid of telling her that 

I can’t live with her as long as 

She hurts me and I get blamed  

But for now I am too scared to end the pain

–

A poem that is so close to my heart. I have written this piece a long time ago and luckily, my situation has calmed down. Toxic friendships can be incredibly hard and sometimes, or often, you have to let go, no matter how hard it is. I’m still trying to give in to that part, but I’m getting closer.

How would you handle a toxic friendship? If you have any advice, feel free to give it in the comments or you can contact me here. I would love to know.

Previous poems:

• You didn’t even notice
• I apologize (but not really)
• The power of music
• Harmless crush
• A blanket surrounding me