Easier said than done, right?
We spent hours per week choosing our outfits and we decide how we want to reflect ourselves upon other people daily. Every day, we put so much time and thought into showing ourselves off neatly, classy yet ‘wild’. Into making ourselves seem to be the person ‘we want to be’. But for who?
Lately, I’ve been thinking, listening and reading a lot about this concept. I’ve been observing many people, including myself, and I have found that other people’s opinions are still important or even worse, more important than our own. This thought has bothered me ever since and that’s why I am writing this post.
Because how do we care less about what others think of us? How do we teach ourselves to respect our own opinion over other people’s opinions? I wrote down all the tips I could come up with. Let’s get down to business and learn how to not care what people think of you. For you and for me.
Disclaimer: there will be said a ton of cliché sentences in this article. But before you sigh, read on. Beforehand, I apologize. 🙂
How to not care what other people think of you
1. Realize that in 200 years from now, we will all be dead.
Wow, a nice way to start, right? I recently saw this video (link to the YouTube account here) about fear and the video made such a good point. Realize that in 200 years, even 100 years, we will be dead. Your friends, your boss, that scary teacher, your family. All these people will be dead. How do you want to spend that time? I’m not saying once you’ve realized this, it’s the easiest thing to just not care. But take a close look at this point and realize: what you’re afraid of doing now, will never be your legacy in 100 years. Just go and make sure your legacy is one you are proud of.
2. Everyone is going through something
‘Don’t judge my cover if you haven’t read the book’ To start with one of the most cliché quotes ever, but it connects well with this tip. Everyone you know is going through something. All the people around you have a story you don’t know, have insecurities and are feeling something right now you perhaps aren’t even close to if you would take a guess. Everyone has a thousand things on their mind and guess what: they are going to judge you. But guess what as well: they only judge you for two reasons.
1. They pick on you to make themselves feel better. Think about it. If I’m insecure about my nose shape, I will look at everybody’s nose shape and judge it. Is it good? Is it worse than mine? If it is, I will repeat that over and over. ‘Hey, his nose is weird. So weird. Way more weird than mine.’ Only to make myself feel better. (If you notice yourself doing this little thought thingy, please try to work on it too, though: ). People tend to judge the things they are insecure about, so if they judge you, it’s merely a reflection of how they perceive themselves. Don’t let them fool you.
2. It’s a reflex to judge you and this judgment will be forgotten in a minute (because they actually don’t care that much). Growing up, we are all taught to judge people. We saw our brothers, sisters, parents and friends pick on other people and it’s automatically what we do when we walk into a room. So don’t expect others not to. But these thoughts are also forgotten quickly. Just think about the judgments you make daily. You’ve forgotten about 99% of them, right? People only judge because that’s what they’ve been doing their entire life. So learn to not take them personal.
Okay, I am spending way too many words on this tip but my point is, the moment you feel scared of doing/wearing/saying/etc. something, remember that every person you are scared of being judged by is going through something themselves as well. Everyone is stuck in their own minds and judgments of other people are merely a sign of how they perceive themselves and how they are feeling. If you start to learn not to care what other people think of you, you learn that other people don’t judge you for you, but mostly for themselves.
3. Don’t give your power away
Every time you let someone decide what you should wear, what you should do, say or think, you give a piece of power over your life to that person who doesn’t even know about 20% of your life. Every time someone stops you from living your life to the fullest, you allow them to take your life and make it theirs. A very simple truth, but you need to realize it. Don’t let other people control your life. Be that badass you are inside and do what that badass would do and enjoy every single minute of it. So the people who cannot take your power away anynmore can watch you grow and succeed in your life.
Once you have a mindset that says: you are not going to take away my power, you learn to not care about what people think of you. You become independent and after a while, it feels incredibly good to see yourself doing other things than what those people would have wanted.
This is personally my favorite and most helpful tip. When I look into a crowd of people, I admire the ones that stand out. I admire the people who speak their mind, who wear what they want to wear and who do what they want to do. What these people have achieved, is my aspiration. And these people are my inspiration. I aspire to be like them and this, for me, helps tremendously. Try to look around you and notice the people that inspire you. The people you might be envious of, people you look up to. Once you’ve found these people, analyze them. Now, don’t get too excited and stalk them for weeks, but observe them and try to shift your mindset the way they have shifted theirs. You will see improvement in just a couple of weeks, I promise.
5. Remind yourself this:
Whenever I feel scared or insecure, I think to myself: ‘hey, every successful person out there right now has had moments like this. Moments where they had to make decisions which they were afraid of. But did they back down? No. So that’s not what I am going to do now, either.’ I remind myself that every person at the top has been scared but if they had listened to that voice that was scared, they wouldn’t be at the top right now. If you know people have done it before, you know it’s less scary taking a risk. Because after all, they made it through. So will you. And they made it to the top. So will you.
6. Trust yourself
I recently saw a video that stuck with me where a question is asked to the viewer: do you trust yourself? I didn’t think much of it and replied with ‘yes’. But thinking back to it, it’s a much more difficult question than it might look like on the surface.
Do you trust yourself? While taking decisions, whether major or minor, do you trust yourself? Whether things go wrong or right, do you trust yourself? Take your time to think about this question and if the answer is anywhere near ‘no’, work on it.
You cannot learn to not care what other people think/say if you don’t trust yourself in making those decisions. If you don’t trust yourself in making decisions, it’s incredibly easy to be hurt by other people’s opinions.
If you want a new article fully dedicated to this topic and how to work on that, I would love to hear it! Contact me or comment and I’ll work on it as fast as possible:).
And we’re through! Hopefully, you’ve learned a lot in the minutes spent reading this article and you are ready to start learning to not care what people think about you. It’s hard to step away from fear and other people’s opinions. Forgive yourself if process isn’t going as fast as you thought it would go and be proud of how far you’ve come. You will get there and once you do, god it is beautiful.